I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Before you go to live the life you are being forced by others to live, remember they'll never be there to share your challenges and emotions that come with it together with you!

...For like a rugged tree you are hard and sound at the core.

Trouble seemed to follow me around. The late Tim Russert, my friend and the esteemed moderator of NBC’s Meet the Press, once joked, “Richard, just don’t come to Washington.

A word in earnest is as good as a speech.

Hope dead lives nevermore, No, not in heaven.

If I had to say what my one greatest achievement is, it's that I lasted, and I'm still happy. I hope that comes through.

Some women have said, 'Gee, here I am getting involved with this fat guy, what will people think of me?' But they were converted and sometimes surprised.

The prevailing view is that the easy way to stimulate economic growth is to have a low currency.

One of the duties of a baseball fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him.

We tend to become like those whom we admire.