I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Hold onto who loves and honor you.Not everyone will know how to.Some souls don't even know how to love and honor themselves, let alone you.

It isn’t about being at the same school or the same town or even the same room. It’s about being together. Love is a choice you make.

'Tis man's to fight but Heaven's to give success.

When weight loss becomes a goal in your life, eating right and exercising are just two pieces of the puzzle. Figuring out why you've put on the extra weight is the hardest part.

I tried to swallow his nonsense without choking.

The season for enjoying the fullness of life - partaking of the harvest, sharing the harvest with others, and reinvesting and saving portions of the harvest for yet another season of growth.

We are almost always wearied in the company of persons with whom we are not permitted to be weary.

I don't follow the rules. That's kind of how I do everything.

I can't see the future, but it's grim. The depletion of resources - we're living in this dine-and-dash economy.

In this day and age if you've got the technology then it's vital to use that technology to track people down. The number on the database should be the maximum number you can get.