I think a bird is the worst present you can give somebody because it's guilt-ridden. This animal has the gift of flight, and you put it in a cage and watch it not do that until it dies.

I think comedians start off as pranksters or something.

A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see.

My doctor told me i had Attention Deficit Disorder. He said, 'ADD is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah,' I didn't pay attention to the rest.

I have a swastika tattoo on my arm, but it's just because I like right-hand turns.

I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating.

I like to edit; I like to work with other people, and that's something stand-up doesn't really have.

Very specifically, Nickelodeon is aimed at eight- and nine-year-olds.

Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies.

My big influences are piano artists like Billy Joel and Elton John.

Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can’t escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other

Bad habits are demons that often push us into isolation because they know that in our loneliness they stand little chance of being overcome.

It was a sign of how worried and confused I was that I wasn’t completely distracted by the sight of his powerful thighs flexed in front of me.

Anything can happen in love, war and South Inidan movies.

Let that day be lost to us on which we did not dance once I

In for ever knowing, we are for ever blessed; but to know all were the curse of a fiend

My mother always wanted me to be a jazz singer, but I always wanted to be raunchy.

It is usually the imagination that is wounded first, rather than the heart; it being much more sensitive.

It was a hobbit hole, and that means comfort

There are some things around us that are not actually useful. I didn't know that before. It's very new for me to understand. That became my way of writing: I can see also the new myself.