I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.

Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality.

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.

If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.

Unless you are a professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry.

I would gladly have accepted a heaping spoonful of nepotism when I got out of college and was looking for a job.

Book tours are such a little tapas meal of where I could live.

No affair that begins with such an orchestrated overture can end on a simple note.

Uniqueness is wasted on youth. Like fine wine or a solid flossing habit, you'll be grateful for it when you're older.

I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in the morning, even if it's a paragraph.

There is a deep light within my soul.

You have to be tough and stand your ground.

Without friends no one would choose to live though he had all other goods.

Good manners are the techniques of expressing consideration for the feelings of others

Children are the keys of paradise.

I always try to write a song to work things out with myself and I want to do it with a little punchline at the end, because I never want to remember anything bad in my life.

If you were a warrior, you would know that the worst thing one can do is confront human beings directly.

You can develop good judgment as you do the muscles of the body — by judicious, daily exercise.

Da Vinci painted one Mona Lisa. Beethoven composed one Fifth Symphony. And God made one version of you.

You can laugh of everything, but not with everybody.