I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

Christians are called to be the deliverers of people and nations

If you don't eat right as an athlete, you'll get tired and won't be as sharp. It's simple to drink sodas and sports drinks, but water is the most essential drink to put in your body.

An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination.

A person cannot be a Marine without honor.

Truth is the kind of error without which a certain species of life could not live. The value for life is ultimately decisive.

For rarely are sons similar to their fathers: most are worse, and a few are better than their fathers.

I sing the Star Spangled Banner, so I can get into football, basketball and baseball games for free.

I never base characters on real people. There are people who do that but I really don't know how to do it.

What a charming reconciler and peacemaker money is!