I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

A lie, when believed, became the truth.

Everything is out there if you know how to find it, and have the patience. I don't and haven't, but that's my problem.

When I hear Khmer poets, when they recite their poems, I know what they're talking about, I get it right away.

Maturity is when you're able to say, 'It's not just them. It's me.'

Aesthetic matters are fundamental for the harmonious development of both society and the individual.

Apartments are getting smaller on a whole. Houses are getting smaller. People don't need great big vacuums anymore.

We are not born, we do not live for ourselves alone; our country, our friends, have a share in us.

Animals are very easy to love and be friends with.

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.

I have called President Obama, and President Obama called me on various issues. This is part of our regular contacts, there is nothing unusual or extraordinary about it.