I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Every challenge that comes your way is an opportunity for you to do something remarkable.

Well, it turns out a hero's lot is not glory or reward, but sacrifice.

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

Being a husband is a whole-time job.

I grew up in Florida, where if you weren't comfortable dancing, you weren't going to get any girls.

The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities.

I am not anti-English, I am not anti-British, I am not anti-any Government, but I am anti-untruth, anti-humbug and anti-injustice.

And I stop listening to me, because to put it bluntly, I tire me.

For years, Jazz At The Philharmonic albums were the only ones of their kind.

The general difference between conservatives and liberals is that liberals like pretty pictures and conservatives like to build bridges that people can drive across.