I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

O what we ben! And what we come to!

You don't understand what makes you understand what makes your life better until you take something that makes it so much worse and you embrace that.

Always take the long term view and train and race smart, with a bit of caution.

If love is universal, no one can be left out.

People decided that it was impossible to achieve any of the good of Socialism, but they comforted themselves by achieving all the bad.

I do Pilates, and hike with my dog.

We need to have lectures about why we can't have every day things like mayonnaise, ketchup and Coke.

You must be fearless. It is the coward who fears and defends himself

Be fearful when there is greed and be greedy when there is fear.

Out of Ireland have we come, great hatred, little room, maimed us at the start. I carry from my mother's womb a fanatic heart.