I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

Happiness is there when thoughts and actions are in harmony.

Still the heights of flying remains to be arrived.Still the wise lessons of life remains to be experienced.Its only the handful of accomplishments has been achieved.The real destiny is yet to be won.

There's a lot of pain in my heart because what I accomplished was second to none. I'm not losing any sleep, but I do pay attention every year at this time.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step of the way. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.

If you want to make people laugh, your face must remain serious.

I had done a lot of plays, particularly at my own theater in LA, and it was the first time in my theatrical life where I didn't feel that my role was also to keep everybody else working hard.

Youth does not think into the future far enough, therefore we must encourage them to dream of great tomorrows.

It’s a poor atom blaster that won’t point both ways.

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

[Marriage is] like signing a 356-page contract without knowing what's in it.