I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

That is why humans resist life. To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggestfear we have

She sighed. “What I wouldn’t give for a civilized bathroom.” Howie remained silent out of habit and also because he didn’t know what a civilized bathroom was.

The Barnes Foundation is the only sane place to see art in America.

I believe in God. When everything collapses, we grip the last hold, we look from the secure haven how the godless society of the old, holy Europe falls apart. May the game begin.

We created a way of raising standards of living that we can't possibly pass on to our children.

...Some people hurt so much they can't take what they need, even when someone wants to give it to them. (106)

Always think, 'what's the worst that can happen' and have some kind of strategy to deal with it

I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What's a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling?

I didn't spend money on nothin'. Besides my daughter, bucket hats, and weed.

Those who would wage war, should first eliminate all domestic enemies before proceeding to attack the external foe.