I think in future people will take television in eyedrop form. All media will be in eyedrops.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

I would love to have a robot at home.

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to "prove their love" like a moose needs a hat rack.

Children are marvelously and intuitively correct physiognomists. The youngest of them exhibit this trait.

When you open your heart with a quiet mind love rushes in.

There's something desirable about anything you're used to as opposed to something you're not.

Man is a substance clad in shadows.

Style is to forget all styles.

My wealth is not a subject I relish discussing.

Confirming John Roberts would endanger much of the progress made by the nation in civil rights over the past half century.

I think Hillary Clinton is vulnerable, she is not liked, she is not overwhelmingly popular.