I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.

But look after yourself - there will be great dangers on the way. Remember, the right road is never the easy road.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'.

I would rather put up with Rush Limbaugh and live in a country where we all do have freedom of speech.

Me and crazy Janey were making love in the dirt singing our birthday songs.

Failure is what you may need to eventually succeed.

I never really expected to win the hearts of the masses.

The red carpet we roll out come sizzling medium rare.

The life of a journalist is poor, nasty, brutish, and short. So is his style

I have trod a measure, I have flattered a lady, I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy.