I think it's a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

Thus are many identities, over time, shown to be temporary alignments of components involved in a deeper allegiance.

I want you to remember what was good in me, not what was most awful. The people you love should be allowed to keep their worst to themselves.

People that complains all the time about problems are the one's that need to fix there problems.

Distinctions between citizens solely because of their ancestry are by their very nature odious to a free people whose institutions are founded upon the doctrine of equality.

Bedtime stories were definitely a big part of my life because I was just so excited my father was talking to me.

Men have made an idol of luck as an excuse for their own thoughtlessness.

The supreme reality of our time is the vulnerability of our planet.

I try to shrug it off as a minor annoyance that whenever I do something successful, every capitalist out there wants a piece of the action.

Bright clasp of her whole hand around my finger My daughter as we walk together now. All my life I'll feel a ring invisibly Circle this bone with shining When she is grown.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.