I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Healthy people know not to gorge on anger. At the end of the day, they walk away. They choose to end it. And it’s an easier choice the next time.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself.

Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life.

Speech gave man a unique power to lead a double life, he could say one thing and do another.

Of private differences personal to himself, my brother had none.

I feel like people are funny, and women are people, so I'm sick of the distinction.

Why is it offensive to portray a creep and a murderer as a homosexual, but totally acceptable to present him as a religious Christian?

Remember, when you're sinned against its tempting to respond sinfully. Don't give in, talk to your heart and seek the grace of Jesus.

An individual step in character training is to put responsibility on the individual.

I think living with the absence of someone we love is like living in front of a mountain from which a person - a speck in the distance, on some distance ridge - is perpetually waving.