I think it's really important to be kind, especially to people whose lives are grim - I try hard to cheer people up in as many ways as I can - if all else fails - I tell 'em a joke!

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are out there. -Yasutani Roshi, Zen master (1885-1973)

Those who have a tolerable knowledge of human nature will not stand in need of such lights.

We have evidence that Iran makes a reactor to possess nuclear weapons.

I never saw the man yet that came out of politics as clean as he went into 'em.

My aunt once said that the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness.

I don't like people who use the press to advance themselves in a way that they haven't earned as an actor, performer or director.

I try to be good to myself. Look, we're human and people have differences.

Data scientists are statisticians because being a statistician is awesome and anyone who does cool things with data is a statistician.

I try very hard to be fair, and I look for ironies. In a way, I live on ironies as a novelist.

The way I figure it, we know we got this world, so live in this one while you’re here. I figure the next one will take care of itself.