I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

In these story telling moments we equip our children, with crucial solution tools for life. To deprive them of these necessary teachable moments is like denying a carpenter the tools of his trade.

Pleasure represents a great good but also a grave danger.

There's a certain amount of mind control that happens. Everybody is living in a world where they're being controlled. They're being told what to think, what to do, and what to eat.

God knows what is best for you, and He wants to reveal it to you and show you what you ought to do.

We must get over wanting to be needed.

I really am enjoying writing more than ever. I feel like I'm so much more focused than I was in the early times.

I have tipped waiters, and I have been tipped by waiters.

We live in a world where everybody's supposed to be cool and act tough and put up fronts, and everybody is so cynical.

I've always believed that you shouldn't want to mend a broken heart, because that's someone you don't want to forget. Scars can be good.

I don't think you can write according to a set of rules and laws; every writer is so different.