I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Family is very important

We have found that the best way for our marriage to work is to let me make the big decisions and my wife the small ones. With this system I'm noticing there are usually no big ones.

If music is frozen architecture, then the potpourri is frozen coffee-table gossip... Potpourri is the art of adding apples to pears.

You weren’t world-class when Arsenal signed you.

The way of the cross is the way of suffering. Christians are called to die, not kill, in order to show the world how they are loved by Christ.

I am an actor and of course I respond very positively to flattery.

You don't take music seriously if you wear your left ear bud in your right ear and your right ear bud in your left ear.

When people told me I'd never make it, I listened to the one person who said I could: me.

A princely mind will undo a private family.

I felt like an alien. I always felt like I never belonged to any group that I wanted to belong to.