I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

The light was luminescence and gloom, like the sky at midnight speckled with stars. All she could smell was the ocean...

I’m not afraid of the real truth. There is nothing you can tell me about yourself that is going to make me clutch my pearls.

Once I ran to you, now I run from you.

My God, it was like the Emerald City, and as you got closer you'd pick up your pace, and you'd give your tickets and go charging inside.

Today, you've got a decision to make. You're gonna get better or you're gonna get worse, but you're not gonna stay the same. Which will it be?

Greed, it ain't going anywhere. They should have that in a big billboard across Times Square. Without people you're nothing.

Everybody thinks their website is above average.

I found out that many of our Catholics simply don't know what the church teaches, and why, on a lot of issues, and therefore are saying things that they think are okay. They simply don't know.

I shave my body probably once a week, maybe twice a week on the arms, just to keep it fresh.

Instead of seeking success we should look for fulfillment. And fulfillment is giving total attention to the process of living.