I think my chances of ever making it into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

I know that if you don't look for an alternative, Sophos, you certainly won't find one.

I always thought the key to immortality would be, like, tiny robots fixing things in your brain, ” she says. “Not books.

Acceptance makes any event put on a new face.

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.

I like aggressive and sexually liberated women. It's hot to me.

it is a shoe designer's job to be a year ahead of our collective unconscious.

San Francisco is the only city I can think of that can survive all the things you people are doing to it and still look beautiful.

One person will eat meat and it will lower their attention field. Another person won't even be affected by it because they're not in the state of mind whereby they'll be affected by it.

If you're prepared to invest in a company, then you ought to be able to explain why in simple language that a fifth grader could understand, and quickly enough so the fifth grader won't get bored.

My thoughts took frantic flight, wanting to escape this prison, and seek out the wind so it could fan my hair and sting my skin, and make me feel alive again.