I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

Truth even in the most whispered tones will always roar.

He mouths something. Six words. Six words that seem too impossible to be true. Six words that bleed hope into my soul. Six words. “You’re not crazy. I love you.

Life is sad, life is a bust, all you can do is do what you must.

There's no real organised body, ... so through the internet people have spread their videos, spread photos, and spread word of a new urban movement.

Writing, overall, has never been what I'd call fun. It's fulfilling. It doesn't come real easy for me.

I like Q&A's better than articles sometimes because I feel like I'd rather hear somebody actually talk or wrestle with.

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.

The only power that the critical voice has is the power that you give it.

Everybody knows there is no fineness or accuracy of suppression; if you hold down one thing, you hold down the adjoining.

It's always better to sacrifice your opponent's men