I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.

With kangaroos, you say 'Sit!' and they start boxing with you. They're nuts!

I've always been known as the fat kid from Stand By Me.

What if you could find brand new worlds, right here on Earth, where anything is possible? Same planet, different dimension. I've found the gateway.

Buddy of mine once told me that he'd rather fly a jet than kiss his girl. Said it gave him more of a kick.

Dogs are the only mammals that will actually stare and look into a human’s eyes.

There's no better feeling than making your little girls laugh.

I like wearing my wedding ring, it's nice.

I don’t want to react because I don’t want them to know it’s a bad word, but I want to encourage them to talk so I’m like, ‘That’s good!’

I highly suggest marriage to all my friends who are dating.

I get very nervous when I have to take my wedding ring off.

The truly revolutionary promise of our nation's founding document is the freedom to pursue happiness-with-a-capital-H.

To conquer nature is, in effect, to remove all natural barriers and human norms and to substitute artificial, fabricated equivalents for natural processes.

I could never say that one religion is wrong. I could never say that this person's God is wrong, I could never say that someone is wrong because they don't believe in God

If you look at old football pictures, the jerseys were hanging, the sleeves were dangling, but now everything is tucked and tailored.

...all them things I don't know could get you killed if I come to know them

The heart and the mind, what an enigma.

If I don't terrorize, I'm not Pop.

From the poorest of countries to the richest of nations, education is the key to moving forward in any society.

It's the admirer and the watcher who provoke us to all the inanities we commit.

A black conservative is a black who dissents from the victimization explanation of black fate.