I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

Grace is the best accessory that a woman can wear

Life can only be filled with joys as we make our egos small enough to accept the fact that joy comes to those in whom there is only room for it to spill over.

Home ownership is the cornerstone of a strong community.

The constant happiness is curiosity.

I've been in clubs. I don't like being in an enclosed place with really loud music, and a lot of drunk people. It's not my idea of a good time. It's just such a miserable life.

Apparently, there's this whole set of disgruntled people but obviously it's not my intention to offend anyone by changing the style of music that I've done.

No one gets to their heaven without a fight...

In the last analysis, our national future depends upon our national character that is, whether it is spiritually or materially minded.

Now is the time to set your life's goals. Now is the time to set your standards firmly and then hold to them throughout your life.

Coaching is making men do what they don't want, so they can become what they want to be