I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.

I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.

Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.

I only got into comedy to get laid

It’s hard to communicate anything exactly and that’s why perfect relationships between people are difficult to find.

Yes, It will be difficult. Yes, It will take enormous time. Yes, they will laugh at you. Yes, you will feel like giving up.Yes, you will win.

Patience, increasing patience, Is all we needTo be victoriousIn the battlefield of life.

Much as I admired the elegance of physical theories, which at that time geology wholly lacked, I preferred a life in the woods to one in the laboratory.

Those who laugh often never grow old.

The hospital is the antechamber to the tomb

Pride is a wound and vanity is the scab on it. One's life picks at the scab to open that wound again and again. Among men it seldom heals and often grows septic.

You know, in the suburbs, most people believe in gravity, but they don't have much of a sense of humor.

The better the coaching has become, the worse the game has become.

When I'm on the court, I picture myself as like a gladiator.