I think people who work in comedy and humor are hesitant to analyze it too much, because you feel like if you take it apart, you'll break it and not be able to put it back together again.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

When life comes to an end, we will take nothing with us.

If someone you love asks you to give up something you love, don't do it.

Power isn't the big cars and bent slavesPower is your people in the streets as they drag you to prison.

The environmental crisis is a global problem, and only global action will resolve it.

We love our habits more than our income, often more than our life.

You can predict a person?s future and divine his bank balance if you know two things: the books he reads, the people he associates with.

For me, how I feel about what I wrote down turns into a song.

Since the child knew his parents would give in, he tried the same trick again and again.

If you replace the word God in the Bible with the word Truth, it reads exactly right.

I'm not going to shoot seven days a week. I think it's counterproductive. I think you're going to have people stumbling around after a couple of weeks.