I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Love is insanity, apparently.

...because of the foulness of her mother's emotional river, a current which ran swift, changing its path without warning...

He felt changed, but there was no one to tell.

You look so polished from your hair down to your toes, but still your finger's gonna pick your nose.

Everyone picked on me in school because I was in foster care.

I'm a John Denver freak, and I don't give a sh*t that he looks like a f***ing turkey.

What I'm talking about is fun. It's every day, it's high energy, and it gives you guidance and healing for your life. It puts a fizz of magic into the air.

The dust will not settle in our time. And when it does some great roaring machine will come and whirl it all skyhigh again.

I enjoy writing dialogue; it comes naturally to me.

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.