I think pimp, therefore i am.

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.

Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.

A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.

All comedy comes from a dark place.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen, but I'm always speaking to my actual fans in present tense.

There's only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there's the person that's doing the winning, or there's the person that's facilitating the winning.

Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.

Seldom do we embrace a new idea, especially one of a religious nature.

Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.

The dead know everything, but don't give a damn.

Yes, I've just bought a new horse, named Jedi.

I absolutely love Italian food. So pizza - like a margherita pizza, penne arbiota, a glass of wine. That's like my dream.

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.

I believe now, as I alway have, that America's strength is in 'We the People.'

I'm sure corruption in Chechnya is minimal.

The smallest sprout shows there is really no death. And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it.

No one else can tell you what your life's work is, but it's important that you find it. There is a part of you that knows - affirm that part.