I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Belief, Faith, and God do not ask you to follow them blindly. Choose it with all your heart!

Education and democracy have the same goal: the fullest possible development of human capabilities.

Does it not stir up our hearts, to go forth and help them, does it not make us long to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in darkness?

So she loved him. She just did immediately and again often and clearly naturally and soundly and obviously and many others.

I mean, evil and boredom. Evil and ennui. Evil and the lack of stimulation. Evil and sluggish blood.

Seat belts come with a car so therefore you should be required to use them, but a helmet does not come with the bike.

No individual photo explains anything. That’s what makes photography such a wonderful and problematic medium.

I think that's what we really need in America, for people to hear each other. And I think philosophy could do a little bit better on that.

The technology in making games and in making anime is really similar. There are common concepts.

You're in a bad way! Apparently, you have developed a soul.