I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

I just have to do the right thing, and recently I've realized that sometimes the right thing seems crazy to those who don't want change.

Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

You are cruising along, and then technology changes. You have to adapt.

I think it's fun to have work that you can relate to, that you can feel like is meaningful.

We have so many ideas about things we have never tried.

Nothing is more harmful to the world than a martial art that is not effective in actual self-defense.

In fact, I'd say that the sources of the economy's expansion from 2003 to 2007 were, in order, the housing bubble, the war, and - very much in third place - tax cuts.

The nature of the shuttle was, we couldn't put a crew escape system in it.

[Donald] Trump lost two electors, Hillary [Clinton] lost five.

Popularity? It's glory's small change.