I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

You are free to create your own way of being. There are no rules.

Balls to ten minutes.

I like to zoom out of the situation so I can see it all and don't get caught up in the little things down there.

A work of real merit finds favor at last.

Historically, in my generation, all of my heroes and heroines have had issues and problems. We all do.

It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You can get away with stuff in a one-page story that you can't get away with in a book.

Heaven's net is very vast. It is sparsely meshed, yet nothing slips through.

Leaders identify, articulate, and summarize concepts that motivate others. Most important, they boil concepts down to an understandable idea.