I think that nerds, if you want to call them that, have only gotten more hip and assimilated into the culture.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Meditation is defined by not just the mode of thinking, but also the object of thought

I am happy in every moment and every day. My happiness depends on me, not on the way.

If you have one person you’re influenced by, everyone will say you’re the next whoever. But if you rip off a hundred people, everyone will say you're so original.

Me, personally. I do not know a soul who perished that day of 9/11. But it did then, does now, and I imagine it always will bring out the Patriot in me.

Try to do unto others as you would have them do to you, and do not be discouraged if they fail sometimes. It is much better that they should fail than you should.

Being told that you are good at banter is like being told that you are a good person.

A way of spreading the dharma is just telling people, sharing with them your experiences. Never push it, never be a missionary. Be completely selfless; realize you're only an instrument of eternity.

She says that what you did was a cry for help." "It was," I say. "That's why I was yelling 'Heeeelp!' I don't really go in for subtlety.

I, like many people, had some sort of preconception about Madonna. One of the preconceptions was that she had the extraordinary work ethic, which turned out to be absolutely true.

I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.