I think that standup has always been an acquired taste and there was always only a handful of performers that were really inspired.

It seems people are more willing to let other people control their minds now and recreational drug use doesn't seem to have that same renegade sense of adventure that it once did.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

Maybe depression is the most reasonable response to all the crap around us. Maybe it's the happy people who need medication.

That’s the big challenge of life—to chisel disappointment into wisdom so people respect you and you don’t annoy your friends with your whining.

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you.

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain.

Perhaps my greatest wisdom is the knowledge that I do not know.

If they tell you that she died of sleeping pills you must know that she died of a wasting grief, of a slow bleeding at the soul.

Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.

Number, place, and combination . . . the three intersecting but distinct spheres of thought to which all mathematical ideas admit of being referred.

Mechanizing man's work had changed but not lighted his toil.

You can spend your life trying to be popular, and that's a tricky business. You can just try to be true to yourself.

Books make great gifts because they have whole worlds inside of them.

You'll never get anything done if you walk around with an unchipped heart.

Being a vegan just helps me build up my self-esteem. I feel good about it every time I eat a meal.