I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

If you want to be treated like a mother, act like one.

If you are still breathing, you are not a looser as you still have opportunity to bring change.

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Every significant artist is a metaphysician, a propounder of beauty-truths and form-theories.

Never love for me, only obsession.

Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?

There's over a billion people on this planet that don't have access to clean drinking water.

Five years ago, when I was elected, I had the feeling that the president doesn't have much to do. I've realized, though, that this is not a rubber-stamp position.

Every child should be placed on a doorstep to sell something. It's the best possible training for life.

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.