I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!

Life moves on and so should we

Other people's appetites easily appear excessive when one doesn't share them.

Although individual temperaments vary, boys are designed to be more assertive, audacious, and excitable than girls are.

In a word, most bad attitudes are the result of selfishness.

When you're an actor, you show up and it's wonderful because you're in the world of make-believe.

In the awakened state, the mind is either perfectly silent or it is a perfectly clear instrument of expression.

All books will become light in proportion as you find light in them.

The ideal racecar will expire 100 yards past the finish line.

People feel that the EU is a one-way process, a great machine that sucks up decision-making from national parliaments to the European level until everything is decided at that level.