I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Yesterday was a beautiful tune on the lips of life and today is a silent secret.

For peace of mind, I will lie about any thing at any time.

If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.

Pain is weakness leaving your body.

I just saw Memento. It's very, very good. I watch a lot of French films.

Paddy Chayefksy was writing and it was a time where everybody was happy to be there [on TV].

Medicine is for the patient. Medicine is for the people. It is not for the profits.

I guess really what my goal is is just to enlarge the violin repertoire.

I don't enjoy doing nothing or sitting in my trailer watching ESPN.

When had my fear of broken plates gotten so grandiose? My desire for extravagant moments so small?