I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

It is in my head! That's why it's called Mental Illness.

Learn to listen when people are talking. Frist, it's a great art, and second, it's quite possible that when people say ne thing they mean another.

You can't have my heart, the doctor told me I'd be dead without it.

Performance stands out like a ton of diamonds. Nonperformance can always be explained away.

This machine, the wheelchair, I can go all over the place, but you need a place without stairs to get in.

Although many of us may think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that think

Like a forensic accountant trying to solve a corporate fraud, following the trail of money around the circle is a good way to understand what actually happens as capitalism unfolds.

Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.

In a fight you don't stop to choose your cudgels.

The aristocrats and bureaucrats are dirty rats.