I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

The products your life must have could be in the form of scientific discoveries you have made.

Who cares if you have a girlfriend, anyway?""I care" Simon said gloomily. "Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor. And he smells like windex.

History is written by the victors.

You have DIED to doing things your own way. You can only LIVE again as you take up your cross, daily, and follow Jesus. - THE PRODIGAL LIFE

You have enough to create what you want.

Understanding life is like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that don't fit.

ADHD isn't a bad thing, and you shouldn't feel different from those without ADHD.

If one woman is suffering, then we are all suffering, and we need to put a voice to that.

Girls under the age of fourteen are the most frightening creatures I have ever come across. - Jonah Griggs

There is no dignity in a crying toothpick.