I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Should' assumes that when either willingness or ability is lacking, it may be compensated for by an abundance of the other. This is simply not realistic.

I feel it is my duty to plod on, while daylight shall last.

Happy girls are always the prettiest

For people who want to get into the voiceover industry, even if you want to get into commercial, you need to become a really, really good actor.

People tend to want to follow the beaten path. The difficulty is that the beaten path doesn't seem to be leading anywhere.

A church without the broken is a broken church.

Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.

All special charters of freedom must be abrogated where the universal law of freedom is to flourish.

Don't you agree, fuzzball?

People were very protective of me. Overly so. I was in the industry for a long time before I had any idea of what drugs people were doing.