I think they named the orange before the carrot.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Until you step into the unknown, you don’t know what you’re made of.

It is a blessed thing that in every age some one has had the individuality enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions.

I have this weird obsession about buying books and looking at them with a smile, even if I won't read them soon. At least they are mine now.

The best way to overcome fear is to face with equanimity the situation of which one is afraid.

To open the majority of peoples' minds to something new is difficult. I always think that, as long as it's funny underneath, then you can argue that a teaspoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

If you want to change the world, start with yourself.

Children under five are the poorest age group in America, and one in four infants, toddlers and preschoolers are poor during the years of greatest brain development.

I idolised bands like Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins, who wanted to reach as many people as they could.

It would be like describing colors to someone blind from birth: The words might be understood, but the concept would remain mysterious and private.

Mothers are the pivot on which the family spins, Mothers are the pivot on which the world spins.