I think very long and hard about every possibly offensive joke I want to make. I really hate mean humor and would hate to make anyone reading my jokes feel truly bad.

This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my living room, only my family showed up, and they're just telling me to stop drinking.

Men are like parking spots: sometimes I drive my car into them

Why do we 'drive' on a 'parkway' but 'park' at a 'strip club'?

Your humility is what secures your future and there is nothing like accountability partners who keep you real.

The richer your friends the more they will cost you.

There is huge merit in both Eastern and Western medicine, and I've taken a little bit from both.

Boxers are hot, and by boxers I mean guys who box, not the underwear. So get rid of 'em!

Only a few reporters...discerned that Anderson really combined Carter's ineptness with Reagan's simplicities.

The fear of your own solitude, of its vast surface and its infinity… Remorse is the voice of solitude. And what does this whispering voice say? Everything in us that is not human anymore.

Meditation takes time and dedication, but, for me, it's actually just about closing your eyes and being in that moment.

The New York City Ballet is obviously speaking to a whole new generation and bringing it the same wonder and beauty that it brought previous generations

It is better to go in the dark when the road must pass a lion and there is no other road.

If you want something you can't afford, think what else that money could buy: a week's groceries, a month's rent, or a weekend away. That will put things into perspective.