I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

There are three sides to every story: yours, theirs, and the truth somewhere in the middle.

Success is messy. But so is life. Deal with it. Poverty is messier.

Love it, Do it, Be in it, Become it until it regenerates in your legacy.

Heav'n but the Vision of fulfill'd Desire And Hell the Shadow from a Soul on fire.

In fact when I first got my Apple II the first thing I did was turn it on and off, on and off, just because I had the power to do so, which I'd never had on a computer before

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There's a whole gamut of things to do with film music that don't apply when you're making a record or if you're writing a concert piece or something.

I don't use e-mail or u-mail or whatever it's called.

If you're in the so-called public eye you have to watch your P's and Q's.

He deserves nothing. Nothing but our scorn. (Father) Then I am rich indeed from the abundance of that which you’ve shown me. (Acheron)