I think you can use some of those words on TV. But one thing you can't do is throw coffee, I've said it over and over again!

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

There is no such thing as perfect. But even if there was, I would pick you over perfection any day.

Winning the Revolutionary War, or the Civil War, or World War II were the turning points in our history, the sine qua non of our forward progress.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

Most of the time, my favorite drama has comedy in it as well. I think most good dramas have comedy in there. And all of the dramatic actors I look up to are also very funny.

Be not too thick with anybody; your joys will be fewer, and so will pains.

As poets, our lamentations are glorious, filled with the virtues angles would learn to envy.

The wrong one will start saying things like "withdraw with honor." We've heard phrases like that before, and they led to thousands and thousands of deaths. Democrats always want to look tough.

Still more labyrinthine buds the rose.

For what is faith unless it is to believe what you do not see?

Like many Catholics, I was very affected by the personality of Jesus and that impression, pious as it was, has stayed with me.