I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

I find it incredibly amazing how at every sunset, the sky is a different shade. No cloud is ever in the same place. Each day is a new masterpiece. A new wonder. A new memory.

When you look at a piece of delicately spun glass you think of two things: how beautiful it is and how easily it can be broken.

The thing about the intuition is that there's always a calmness to it, if it says yes to us or even if it says no. It's always very calm and a feeling of wisdom comes with it.

However greatly we distrust the sincerity of those we converse with, yet still we think they tell more truth to us than to anyone else.

We should allow others' excellences, to preserve a modest opinion of our own.

The photograph as an object has a relationship to that which it represents something like the relationship the snake skin has to the snake that sheds it.

However bad your life appears, things could be far, far worse

I'm not saying I look cool, but every single time I go onstage, it is a fail if I don't feel like I'm going to pass out at least twice.

I do not like to repeat successes, I like to go on to other things.