I thought I was funny as a kid. I used to play tricks on my brothers - I'd tie a two-shilling piece to a bit of cotton, then pull it away as they went to grab it.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

To wake up one day and be Steinway and Glen in One... Glen Steinway, Steinway Glen, all for Bach.

Maybe there is more truth in how you feel than in what actually happens.

There are two futures, the future of desire and the future of fate, and man's reason has never learnt to separate them.

I loved living in London, and I didn't want to leave.

I think if we continue to create jobs at levels that I'm creating jobs, I think that's going to have a tremendous impact - positive impact - on race relations.

Coward is the most misused word in our society.

Guerrilla marketing aims its message at individuals or, if it must be a group, the smaller the group, the better.

Government machinery has been described as a marvelous labor saving device which enables ten men to do the work of one.

He who would in his own person test the fact of God's presence can do so by a living faith.

Style is an expression of your individuality. Who you are and what your mood is, is what you wear.