I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Never pause unless you have a reason for it, but when you pause, pause as long as you can.

...every year for decades there had been great excitement over the Largest Vegetable competition ("That would be my husband", was the standard comment).

Problem is a outcome. "Of What?", Is the right question

I take my job very seriously and I work the best that I can on every drum that I hit. I want all the drums and cymbals to sound the best. I strive for perfection and I won't take anything less.

When we're onstage, it's like mind reading: we're on the same page.

[The essences of things] are suspended on the invisible dimension whose vibrance has been denied the human eye at all times save in the intuition of ecstasy.

Stategy in Iraq- defeat al-Qaeda; limit Iran's influence.

She mailed me a Merry Christmas-I'm-Breaking-Up-with-You card. I'll read it to you," he said. He cleared his throat. "Dear Marcus. Merry Christmas. I'm breaking up with you. Mia.

But of works of art little can be said.

When I do yoga, it gets all sweaty, and the best thing for dried up hair isn't shampoo, it's sweat.