I thought Manual Labor was a Mexican golf pro.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

No is a false perception. Yes is a positive conception.Go with reality and reason.

Why can’t I remember that not once have I ever seen a coin, whether grimy copper or bright gold, that had but one side.

Be wary of someone who has never failed, or seem to have no faults... Too good to be true usually is. Perfection hides something.

Life is too short to fight every idiot along your way.

God involves us in his mission not because he needs us but because he loves us.

Because of acting I've gotten to travel and meet so many amazing people, and they inspire new songs.

It would be glorious to see mankind at leisure for once. It is nothing but work, work, work.

Proclaiming a sexual preference is something that straight men never really have to bother with.

See the Congress' track record. It has taken the nation backwards. They keep talking about Rights. The Nation is tired of your Acts, the Nation needs action.

Applied mathematics will always need pure mathematics just as anteaters will always need ants.