I thought comedians had to have black on their faces or red beards.

I'd like to make people who see me in comic pantomime on the screen feel the way Mark Twain makes his readers feel.

I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.

I never cease to wonder at my luck in having for my sister the woman who, more than any other woman in America, possesses all the qualities of true greatness.

Do you know New York stifles me? It makes me so unhappy. There are so many things I want, and so many things I cannot afford to have. I don't see how people ever have money enough to live here.

The measure of greatness in a scientific idea is the extent to which it stimulates thought and opens up new lines of research.

The departure of the church-going element had induced a more humanitarian atmosphere.

So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.

I love to cry. It's such a great release. If I'm just tired - jetlagged, I didn't get any sleep, I want to cry. I think it's important to cry.

Ageism is as odious as racism and sexism.

The system was afraid of Vaclav Havel. And so they either harassed him for put him in jail.

Good things happen when you get your priorities straight.

Ill-health, of body or of mind, is defeat. Health alone is victory. Let all men, if they can manage it, contrive to be healthy!

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

I hate learning lines, so the fight stuff's always my favorite.