I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.

I don't really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.

I never felt settled or calm. You can't really commit to life when you feel that.

It's the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife.

We may be certain that whatever God has made prominent in His Word, He intended to be conspicuous in our lives.

We have so many people retiring that we do not have enough people paying into the system to be able to provide the benefits for those collecting those benefits.

The experience of going to the other side to nirvana clarifies and simplifies your view of all things. You see the world with greater clarity, because it is not obscured by illusions.

Free men are not equal and equal men are not free.

The betrothed and accepted lover has lost the wildest charms of his maiden by her acceptance. She was heaven while he pursued her, but she cannot be heaven if she stoops to one such as he!

If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes.

If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything.