I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

No chains around my feet, But I'm not free.

Let's face it. Chocolate is the world's most well-loved food.

First rule of politics: you can't win unless you're on the ballot. Second rule: If you run, you may lose. And, if you tie, you do not win.

In secret pleasure — secret tears This changeful life has slipped away

If you don't like the heat, get out of the kitchen.

You don't want to look too chic at a Washington party or people will think you don't have a job worth losing.

Personally I didn't believe God had a private torture chamber. Hell was being cut off from God, cut off from his power, his energy, Him.

You got to be brave. If you feel something, you've really got to risk it.

Everything we do consciously remains for us.

Never ever doubt in magic.