I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

It's cool when people know you more, but I like people to treat me regular when they see me. I take pictures. I don't really be big on people looking at me.

My mom reminds me that all things are possible.

There is a fear of voluptuousness that is itself voluptuous, just as a certain fear of death can itself be deadly.

Every sin that is left without repentance is a sin unto death, for which if even a saint shall pray, he shall not be heard.

As Buddy Rich, for instance, broke into the business at the age of three, I think it was, on drums, so indeed did I break into the business at the age of four as a singer.

Moving slowly enables us to learn faster.

I want to be a good wife, a good mother, a good person.

I hate plastic surgery. I have a horror of any kind of knife. I don't like it.

To attempt to advise conceited people is like whistling against the wind.

The denial of racism is a form of racism itself.