I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

It is not how long the music last but how much we enjoy.

Create an environment that fosters the creative genius within you!

Facing the press is not easy, but because you have to go, you have to try to take a lot of positive things for yourself from these face-to-face meetings.

I learn teaching from teachers. I learn golf from golfers. I learn winning from coaches.

Set a goal to become a millionaire for what it makes of you to achieve it. Do it for the skills you have to learn and the person you have to become.

He who is resolute conquers grief.

It's easier not to love. Beware of the easy path this day.

If you are moneyed or educated, you will get a different sentence than someone who is not.

If I get two lines in the script, I somehow turn it into 20. I've got a bit of a bad habit of doing that, of just embellishing my little moment.

I was young and felt like it was opportunity 'cause they were moving units back then on the underground scene.